I have the worst luck with poop

I think i've well documented my past incidents of mishaps with the girls and their random deuces. Well, yesterday i had yet another. I swear if there is an inopportune time for one of em' to have take the Browns back to the superbowl it's gonna happen with me.

Let's digress...First off, there was a minor incident involving Carly about 10 days ago. Minor really, but still one of those that just wasn't a well placed dump. I had just played basketball and had picked up Carly from her grandma's house. Shelly was at safety town...(Thank God that is over...different blog posting one day) and I had 45 minutes to kill until i had to get her. So, i take Carly to the park across the street and figure we can just play there. So, of course with 20 minutes to go...she is climbing up a little ladder when she stops dead in her tracks. Freezes. Completely...right in mid stride. And then i see it...the look on the face every kid gets when they are takin' a dump. It's a mix of "i hope nobody is seeing this" and EXTREME concentration. So, of course, i have no diapers and Carly has a load in her drawers. Long story short, i had to fly home...change her, and fly right back where i was to perfectly time the pickup of Shelly.

Now, to the real awful story. If you don't want to be disgusted, don't scroll down...













Okay, Well i leave work early yesterday cause Shan put em' in daycare for the day so she could go golfing at her boyfriend's golf tournament or something or other. And i felt bad for em' cause they normally don't have to to go to school friday's and KNOW they would rather be home. So, i get em' up and say "Hey! Who wants to go the pool!!" To which they both explode like a pair of pogo sticks.

We change up go to the pool..and it's pretty much status quo. I'm tossin' shelly thru the air into the water and carly gets out to go play with the little water fountain people use to wash their feet off with clean water.

Then, all of a sudden..i hear the water fountain stop. I look over..Carly is looking straight ahead...i say "honey, what are you doing??" She says "DON'T LOOK AT ME!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!" She was focused...grunting and completely motionless. She was takin' a poop.

Now, of course, smart parents put their kids in "swimmers" Which are like psuedo diapers meant for toddlers not yet potty trained to wear in pools. Well..SMART parents do that..i of course am not one of those.

She comes over to me..just reeking of chlorine mixed with wet kid poop. Running down her legs...damn near blew out a hole in the back of her suit....just hideous. I wrap her in a towel with just wet caramel dropping running all down her and consequently all down me...throw her and shell in the car..race home...repeat the trip upstairs to the tub...and spend the next 15 minutes de-toxin' her and the unsusupecting bath tub.

Of course the deuce was massive making it all the more awful. Her swimsuit has a flotation divce built inside the liner which means...no machine wash. OF COURSE i tried too anyways...and nothing came out....so , that meant handscrubbing again.

I think i bring on these dump stories due to the fact i don't EVER plan for these worst case scenarios, so when they happen..i'm basically F'd. However, i seem to have these happen all the time and still don't prepare for em'. As always, the lesson to be learned here is i'm an idiot.