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So, i'm asleep, and as normal per a tuesday evening i have carly and shelly in bed with me. All of a sudden i hear "daddy...daddy..." and i look up and Shelly is looking at me...i look at the clock which says '4am'..shelly is standing up on the side of my bed...with a scared look on her face. I go "shelly, what's wrong honey..it's late." she says " i heard something daddy, then a man poked his head around the corner into the bedroom and i saw him."

I immediately sat straight up...my heart went to like 300 Beats per minute. I said in a whisper.."Are you sure you saw a man honey??" and shelly said "yes..i really, really did..i'm not lying daddy!!" Which, when she is that passionate about something usually means she at least believes in what she did or saw. So, i'll be honest, i was nervous.

I woke up carly...and made her and shelly hide behind my bed between the frame and aganist the wall. They were both really scared..but shelly was great. She held carly and patted her hair to keep her calm. i was kicking myself, cause just before i fell asleep i was thinking how i should bring my cell phone upstairs and keep it handy in case i need it for an emergency and man, i wish i had it right up there last nite...figures.

So, i realize i'm just wearing my boxers and think i need a weapon..just in case..shelly didn't say anything about what the guy looked like or how big he was and i didn't think to ask, but i wanted something in case i needed it. My mind was racing, but the options for weapons in my room sucked. So, i had to settl for taking the glass shade off my bed lamp and grabbed the stand so i could swing it as a bat if i needed it.

I went to the door on an angle so i could peek out in the hallway but saw nothing. ALL The doors upstairs were open, which made me nervous cause i couldn't see into em' without going right up to them. I started to the left and peeked VERY fast into the laundry room...clear. I moved to shelly's room..clear. Then to the closet..clear. Then, i could have sworn i felt someone behind me and whirled around..but it was just my imagination...then I heard the alarm on my deck door go off...someone was either entering or leaving the house.

The alarm is this magnetic sensor that when the 'seal' is broken or in other words, space is between the two bases, an alarm goes off. Someone tripped it. I heard some fumbling with piece of hard plastic i keep between the open slot at the bottom of the door , which is there strangely enuff to keep people from getting in the house, but in this case was keeping someone from GETTING out of the house. I ran downstairs..not thinking someone could still be upstairs..my nervousness was gone and i was just flat out going on rage. Rage on the fact someone would come into MY house where MY girls were sleeping and endanger them.

I did a dukes of hazard leap over the bottom wall of my stairwell..landed on the chair in the kitchen..which i completely destroyed..caught my left hip on the corner of the table which hurt like a son of a bitch..the door alarm was still blaring in my ears...I jumped up and looked at the slilding door. It was open...the screen door was demolished, from the inside out. I turned around and some splattering of blood on the floor...it was mine though..cut my leg pretty good when it went thru the chair. I then saw some brown paper on the kitchen table...in the tray i keep my placemats in. Something was inside of it, it was the kind of paper grocery stores use to wrap deli meat in..it was dirty..and lumpy. Somethign was inside of it.. I opened it up, there was a dead bird...not like a robin, or sparrow, but a parakeet. I called the cops.


Before they came over..i noticed there was writing on the inside of the wrapper that held the bird...it said..

"None of this really happened, i made it all up. Have a happy halloween!!"

I wasn't ready for this....

So, as is most Sunday mornings, Elaine comes over to get shelly to go to church. She picks her up and leaves. So, it's just me and Carly, and we are getting ready to go to Big Boy for breakfast, which we normally do (she loves the buffet and eats for free on it).

However, before we set sail, i feel what i normally feel around 10:30am and head upstairs to sit on the pot. I sit down, open up my 'Simpsons forever' book, which is a really cool assembly of all the info from All the shows ever created and settle down for a warm winters slumber. Well, really, take a ferocious poop is what i really began to do.

Anywho, I'm about 1 paragraph in, or in bowel movement terms about half way through when all of a sudden my car alarm goes screaming off. I chucked my book straight up in the air as it startled me and began yellling "Carly!! Carly!! Carly!!" as i knew she was behind it.

I force out the rest of my refuse with the tenacity of a kid throwing playdoh in one of those toys with the lever on it that when you push down on it, the playdoh squeezes through in different shapes. Best analogy i could come up with..wipe up as best i could and go flying down stairs with my pants around my knees and my hand clinging to the back holdin' em' up. The alarm had been going off for over a minute at this point...i fly down there..grab my keys and turn it off. Carly is sitting in the big chair in the living room..head down..ready to cry. She was scared, but after we talked about how daddy's keys aren't a toy, she was better.

Obviously, i really enjoy my reading time in the john, so this wasn't the most relaxing time i'd ever had. However, in the aftermath, we did make it to big boy, and after a mere 4 combined trips through the restaurant and back and forth from the breakfast bar for me and Carly, i also realized i hadn't zipped up. I couldn't believe I didn't get one courtesy "xyz" or "barn door is open" comment..it was WIDE open...like one of those national geographic channel shows with the fisherman trying to pet the noses of sharks as they feed and you see the shark open up and can see all it's teeth...that's what my zipper looked like.

Moral of the story: Be ready for anything when you poop.

Moral moral of the story: Why does it seem like all the stories about my kids on this blog involve poop?

Trips R Good

I had a great time in Seattle. Rupert and Monica were great hosts, especially considering they had a 2 year old living with them out there...we did a TON.

Went to the pikes market again...pretty much like i remember it..lots of new stuff, but a lot of the same too...if you ever go, the weekends are packed, but the most lively. If you want to see and enjoy the spectacle..go during the week..WAY less busier...

Went to about 15 different bars..that was fun. Seattle allows you to walk about everywhere. So, we barhopped a lot. Great fun. The downtown area is really cool in that it's jammed full of commerce everywhere. Total opposite of Detroit. Really makes you realize how lousy a city detroit really is.

We walked RIGHT by Dave Matthews. The singer. Pretty cool...still can't believe he lives across the street from Rupert. All I said was "good morning" i really am still kicking myself for it...i could have really knocked something out of the park with him there on the comedy scale..but i choked. *sigh*.

Monica's family bought a house on one of the many nearby islands. It made me realize her parents are LOADED. HUGE home on top of a huge hill surrounded by enormous pines with a view of the Fuget Sound on one side and a lake on the other...in other words.. a million dollar home. Ridiculous.

Sunday nite got REALLY bombed...which was not good considering i was up at 7 to get ready to go to the airport to come home on MOnday....stupid, stupid, stupid...but well worth it.

Both flights were great...little turbulence...i just get too antsy on planes...i get bored...can't read, can't sleep..just sux.

In any event, i'll definitely go back again..probably not in the near future as i want to visit other places...but it's for sure a place i could see myself living at when the girls grow up and move out and get on with their lives...we'll see.

Back From Seattle

Had a great time..i love that place. I'll talk about it later..i have lots of stuff to get out on that but not enuff time to formulate all my thoughts.

I do have time to talk about how i went to Buschs' last nite and dropped 160 bones on a shatload of groceries. i like that place...it's a tad more money then country markup across the street..but the produce and meat selection is WAY better. Plus, the kicker is..they ALWAYS give you a coupon when you walk out that basically makes you come back to the store. I've gotten $5 off...a free pound of gourmet coffee...a 24 pack of bottled water..and on my next trip a free rotissiere chicken!!

Oh, and i've now been there 4 times and have NEVER NOT bumped into at LEAST 3 people I know each time. last time was Chuck..my friend Andrew's brother in law who sings in a barbershop quartet...couldn't remember my name..but invited me to play poker..so i gave him my number...i'll never play though. Chuck is a tad different...if you know him..you know what i mean. Andy..who married a girl i went to highschool with and golfs in the Bishop outing every year and who sold me life insurance 4 years ago...another BIG talker....and Ben and Jen boyce friends of mine..went to the tigers game with ben against the yankees a couple weeks back..heck, i even saw one of my waitresses from the lighthouse cafe' there...it's like a freakin' singles bar in that store. Every trip is like that..man, i need to get out of dexter..but i'm not sure anyone else is....

Oh, and i got home, had left over olive garden from the nite before and promptly spent the next 60 minutes in the bathroom. Let's just say i wasn't exactly brushing my teeth while i was in there....so word to the wise... Olive garden is good for one day only

DRAMA on Dancing with the Stars!!

Check out this link...she probably would have been voted off this week or next. However, she came on tonight and did an emotional invterview with the guy that hosts the show..and america's home videos'..which frankly was just awkward and weird. Check the link.

http://www.abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/story?id=2563441

I had McDonalds

i decided to treat myself today..so i went out and had mcdonalds. first time in a LOOOONG Time. and ya know what..it wasn't really good. I'm so NOT used to it, that it was a letdown...of course i felt immediately guilty afterward, so i made myself go outside and cleanup ALL the wood scraps under my deck. If you saw the compilation of wood down there you'd really know how big of a guilt trip i was on. It was no small task. about 6 full whell barrell's full into the back of the pacifica later (is there anything that car can't do?) and 3 illegal dumps of said scrap in an unspecified spot..i was done.

The deck is done. Totally, and completely. I'm calling tomorrow to get the inspector out..and it's over. Hallefreakinluliah.

Rainbow Star

Rainbow Star is the alter ego of Carly when she's a "dog". Which is her new thing. She runs around on all 4's barking like a poodle and licking things. It's cute.

Also, today we are potty training. BIG day..no diapers or pullups today..so far so good...i'm sure i'll be breaking out the clean up supplies at some point..but it will be VERY sweet when she gets out of her diapers....it's well worth it.

Triggers

The Tigers are in the playoffs. First time since 1987. They last won the world series in 1984. Haven't really even been close since then. I used to LOVE baseball..absolutely loved it. I would bring up a 10 inch black and white rabbit eared tv to catch the tigers SPRING TRAINING GAMES for crying out loud..i couldnt' get enuff of em'. I can remember all 4 games i went to as a child at the old tiger stadium. One with my grandparents that we suffered through a rain delay before we could see the end of it...one with my uncle and his ex-detroit cop buddy (who showed me all the bullet wounds on him..he had 11..it was AWESOME..guy was just sheer muscle)...also note of that game Jose Canseco was playing for the other team and he put a homerun that game over our heads in the upper deck in straight away centerfield..monster shot..can't believe nobody suspected steroids back then....one with my neighbor Bill..and one with my mom and dad and brother.

The last one was probably the most memorable as i made everyone get there early so I could try to go down to the field and get autographs from the players...i was probably about 10. I got snubbed, by all of em'. i was crushed. But when i got back to my seat my mom had taken a notebook and signed her name and some phony tigers names down for me.. so i would have some autographs. At the time i was like "mom...this is you..." and just shrugged it away. Never thought about it again for years and years....

Short time after that game my mom got sick with cancer...she never was herself afterward and died 6 years ago on this October 10th. That phony autograph book is one of the few things I really remember about her and what kind of person she was. Don't get me wrong, i have lots of memories of her from behind the eyes of a little boy...but that one is one where I can look back on it and realize how good of a parent she was and how good of a grandparent she would have been for my daughter's now.

Hadn't thought about that till just recently again...with the Tigers making the playoffs my thoughts went back to my life when they last were a really good team. Being a little boy, watching the world series in our newly finished basement when they clinched it against the padres...the old tiger stadium and how it smelled when i would walk inside..how mesmerized i was by the first time i walked down the tunnel and thought how beautiful the field looked ...and the memories of my mom.

So, no matter what happens to the tigers in the playoffs, and frankly, i think they will lose to the Yankees, i'm glad for the season they had, without it, some cherished thoughts would have faded more into the distance. Thank you Tigers.

The Sunday Ticket

Rules. It's the best thing ever. Having control over EVERY nfl game on sundays is really more fun then any one person should have. Heck, i barely watched tv today..betwween finishing up on the deck and cutting the lawn and playin with the girls..i didn't do much except watch the lions handle their limited success the way they always do...by blowing a game.

Still, the sunday ticket has the following features which make it like crack to a football junky like myself...

1) player stats: you can select 10 players each week. whenever they do ANYTHING..a highlight bar pops up on whatever game you are watching telling you what happened with that player. So, i could be watching the lions and rams play when a bar pops up on the bottom of the screen telling me carson palmer completed a 10 yard pass to chad johnson. It's sick. Incredible for fantasy football....which, oddly enuff....i haven't been as into this year as in the past..but tha'ts another blog.

2) the Redzone channel. Last year it was a premium..this year..it may be...not sure...buti have it and absolutely can't believe how great it is. Basically, there's a studio host who all he does is CONSTANTLY zip you from one game to the next putting you to the game that has the best chance of producing a score....if a score happens while you're on the olther game, they show you the highlilght IMMEDIATELY. it's incredible..it's all i watch. I just sit on channel 703 and become comatose..

Oh, and who is the studio host you ask me? Well, if you're familiar with the short lived fantasy football show on FSN last year, thenyou'll know him when you see him. But it's the one...the only..Andrew Sicilliano!!! (pronounced in an Italian stereotypical impression). This guy, is the best studio host on tv for one reason only....he has the goofiest face with the deepest voice of all time. His ears are obnoxiously delicious. They are like, and i'm not kidding 7 inches from top to bottom. He's worth the price of the subscription..trust me...

i'm not sure why is highschool senior pic was on the web...but here it is..it's from the side...and for good reason.. a head on shot looks like a pair of waffles are tacked to each side of his head.