I wasn't ready for this....
So, as is most Sunday mornings, Elaine comes over to get shelly to go to church. She picks her up and leaves. So, it's just me and Carly, and we are getting ready to go to Big Boy for breakfast, which we normally do (she loves the buffet and eats for free on it).
However, before we set sail, i feel what i normally feel around 10:30am and head upstairs to sit on the pot. I sit down, open up my 'Simpsons forever' book, which is a really cool assembly of all the info from All the shows ever created and settle down for a warm winters slumber. Well, really, take a ferocious poop is what i really began to do.
Anywho, I'm about 1 paragraph in, or in bowel movement terms about half way through when all of a sudden my car alarm goes screaming off. I chucked my book straight up in the air as it startled me and began yellling "Carly!! Carly!! Carly!!" as i knew she was behind it.
I force out the rest of my refuse with the tenacity of a kid throwing playdoh in one of those toys with the lever on it that when you push down on it, the playdoh squeezes through in different shapes. Best analogy i could come up with..wipe up as best i could and go flying down stairs with my pants around my knees and my hand clinging to the back holdin' em' up. The alarm had been going off for over a minute at this point...i fly down there..grab my keys and turn it off. Carly is sitting in the big chair in the living room..head down..ready to cry. She was scared, but after we talked about how daddy's keys aren't a toy, she was better.
Obviously, i really enjoy my reading time in the john, so this wasn't the most relaxing time i'd ever had. However, in the aftermath, we did make it to big boy, and after a mere 4 combined trips through the restaurant and back and forth from the breakfast bar for me and Carly, i also realized i hadn't zipped up. I couldn't believe I didn't get one courtesy "xyz" or "barn door is open" comment..it was WIDE open...like one of those national geographic channel shows with the fisherman trying to pet the noses of sharks as they feed and you see the shark open up and can see all it's teeth...that's what my zipper looked like.
Moral of the story: Be ready for anything when you poop.
Moral moral of the story: Why does it seem like all the stories about my kids on this blog involve poop?
However, before we set sail, i feel what i normally feel around 10:30am and head upstairs to sit on the pot. I sit down, open up my 'Simpsons forever' book, which is a really cool assembly of all the info from All the shows ever created and settle down for a warm winters slumber. Well, really, take a ferocious poop is what i really began to do.
Anywho, I'm about 1 paragraph in, or in bowel movement terms about half way through when all of a sudden my car alarm goes screaming off. I chucked my book straight up in the air as it startled me and began yellling "Carly!! Carly!! Carly!!" as i knew she was behind it.
I force out the rest of my refuse with the tenacity of a kid throwing playdoh in one of those toys with the lever on it that when you push down on it, the playdoh squeezes through in different shapes. Best analogy i could come up with..wipe up as best i could and go flying down stairs with my pants around my knees and my hand clinging to the back holdin' em' up. The alarm had been going off for over a minute at this point...i fly down there..grab my keys and turn it off. Carly is sitting in the big chair in the living room..head down..ready to cry. She was scared, but after we talked about how daddy's keys aren't a toy, she was better.
Obviously, i really enjoy my reading time in the john, so this wasn't the most relaxing time i'd ever had. However, in the aftermath, we did make it to big boy, and after a mere 4 combined trips through the restaurant and back and forth from the breakfast bar for me and Carly, i also realized i hadn't zipped up. I couldn't believe I didn't get one courtesy "xyz" or "barn door is open" comment..it was WIDE open...like one of those national geographic channel shows with the fisherman trying to pet the noses of sharks as they feed and you see the shark open up and can see all it's teeth...that's what my zipper looked like.
Moral of the story: Be ready for anything when you poop.
Moral moral of the story: Why does it seem like all the stories about my kids on this blog involve poop?
posted by Jdaddy @ 2:42 PM
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