Best Day of the Year

Baseball is over!! Yeah!! No more pre-empting my favorite shows for 5 hours of pitching changes in games that are slower then slugs. I would like to wish all my loyal readers a happy last day of baseball wish..and in doing so...here is a great link. AJ Pierzynski celebrating his marraige and new born baby by smoochin' on some hoochies at a bar..i especially like the pic of him holding whip cream can..great stuff. Congrats AJ: http://sportsbybrooks.com/A.J.Pierzynski.html

Dynamic Duo of Awesomeness

Todd this is for you. Todd is my best friend. I recently forgot to leave out his daughter's "night night poodle" and I owe him an apology. You are there for me when i need a laugh or want to make fun of myself. When I needed to be remembered about something stupid and/or embarressing I did in my past. When I need a shoulder to cry on, or a humiliating picture of me posted out on email..I know I can turn to you. Todd will do anything for me and it means more then a blog can say.

Sorry for the pic, but it's the only one I had online. The mullet is big, but the glasses are bigger. Some people call you silly, some call you mango, some call you to get the car started when a fight breaks out at the bar...I just call you friend. I will defend you in a fight again at a bar, a political debate or even an attack on the character of the inventor of field turf.

Nobody can get me to laugh like Todd. Todder, this blog is for you

So is today's link of the day: http://www.prograssturf.com/contact.htm

UPN Travesty

America's top Model on UPN drew my attention when the girl from the dairy queen in town made it to the final 7. Well, she got cut last night. She was either the prettiest, or second prettiest girl on the show. She had faults as far as a model goes, but the rest of the girls weren't in her class. I"m a bit disgruntled today after this. The real shocker is I found myself actually liking Tyra Banks. Like, she had a good personality. I'm till coming to terms with that...although she lost major points in my book when she cut Kyle from Dexter last night of course. She's clingy tho..Tyra texts me like constantly...

Anywho, I think my favorite part of the show was easily when it ended after Kyle was cut and Tyra (who i'm on a first name basis with now) asked her "What will you do now?" Well, that was the easiest question I heard all day..the answer was simple.."Go back to makin my Peanut Buster Parfait's Bitch!!" BWAHAHAHAH!!! That was mean...but i'm lashin out after she got cut. Obviously i'm done with the show. Veronica mars just blew a great chance to reel me in with overlap since their show followe. Their loss!

Best Cartoon's Ever

With all the cartoons I have to watch as a father, and lately that includes a TON of Barney, it got me thinking as to what my favorite cartoons of all time were. So without further adieu..here's my top 3 (why 3? cause i could write a long time on this and need to set parameters)

3) HE-MAN: What young boy growing up in the 80's didn't like this show? Not only did he have the best catchphrase ever uttered in a show (By the Power of Grayskull!!!) but he had a pretty cool array of enemies to fight (Skeletor and the such). His cat, which turned into a Tiger was lame, but he was one bad dude. Great show.

2) G.I. JOE: You'll notice a pattern here...all these cartoons are from the 80's. This show was a very deep cartoon by today's standards. It had TONS of characters, each with their own little story line within whatever the main story would be. Of course they also battled C.O.B.R.A....a terroist organization, somehow I don't think that kind of cartoon would be on tv today. My favorites were the COBRA commander and Destro of course, the two main bad guys. Nothin' beat some good give and take between those two. However, the show began to go down hill when the New Emperor came out and turned COBRA commander into a real snake....despite Sgt. Slaughter's most valiant efforts, he couldn't be saved...They had tons of toys and games that followed up with this cartoon, that I had no need to buy, as my brother already had them all.

1) TRANSFORMERS: Could it really be anything else? Another pretty deep story line with tons of characters in the G.I. Joe model. Who would forget Optimus Prime actually dying?? Man, that was hard take as a 7 year old..or in the movie when the new leader Ultra Magnus uttered profanity?? There were audible shriekes when he dropped some GD's. Again th0, great story, great characters and mortality, which you don't see today.

Watching some of the other cartoons out there like Tom and Jerry, roadrunner, bugs bunny, etc..it's amazing how actually violent they were. Tom chases jerry with a freakin' shotgun ALL THE TIME!! The african american house maid on the show has been dubbed over to sound less like aunt jemima and more like oprah winfrey too..really makes me appreciate the 80's!!!

Until next time AUTOBOTS....ROLL OUT!!

OH..and today's link..ever wonder how you know you know when someone is staring at you ???? http://www.sciam.com/article.cfm?chanID=sa006&articleID=00022BBF-C300-1353-830083414B7FFE9F&colID=13

My Greatest Sports Moments

I get asked all the time "Josh, what are your greatest athletic achievements?" So, to FINALLY put an end to that question, here they are..in chronological order from earliest to most recent.

1) 9 Years old-MVP T-Ball league: I made the traveling all-star team the previous season..however this year my team won the league, so we played the all stars combined from the top athletes of all the other teams. I had led the league with 12 dingers during the year and an unaccounted for number of RBI's. Here was the scenario that clinched my Mush Ball fame however..Bottom of the seventh..my team (the green team) was up by 2, 1 out..no actual team had EVER beaten the all-stars..keep that in mind...bases were loaded..the all-stars big slugger was at the plate..i was guardin' the bag at third. HOT SHOT down the line at third! I leapt to my right, snared the ball and tagged the runner out who I caught trying to get back to the bag. Game ending double play. I was hoisted up on the teams shoulders as the coach cried and gave me the game ball.

Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure I peaked there...but i'll still put some glowing touches on these next ones...

10 years old spelling bee (alternate): ...what this means is i was the 12th best speller in my grade...I got a plaque...I was two away from making the "team" whatever that was. I don't remember the word i botched, but I do remember it had double "C's" in it..double consonant words have always been my albatross.

12 years old Quiz Bowl: If this were an episode of LOST it would be titled "Redemption." I basically alpha-dorked my way thru this entire "tournament". I was in 7th grade and our teams captain. We easily dismissed the other classes in our grade, then went on to smoke the 6th graders to meet the cocky 8th graders in the finals in the Wylie gymnasium in front of a full assembly. Basically, I was quiz bowl version of MJ at the time. Nobody could recite the original 13 colonies faster. I swear to this day I was actually in the MATRIX during the finals. I have the sterling silver winner's cup somewhere at my dad's house to prove it. Thank you Neo.

15 years old JV Basketball: At IDA..I scored all of our teams points in the first quarter. Still a record to this day in the annals of Dexter High School athletic lore. We were down 25-4 after 1 quarter incidentally.

(4 year hiatus..think Ricky Williams)

19 years old sophomore college: Helped lead our Gus Macker team to a tuff, hard fought 4th place finish in the HUGE Oakland U. division. We lost people to injury along the way..namely todd, but we all looked great in our pink shirts. What sticks out to me this day is Paul Bishops dad saying "you guys will never beat those black kids." Who's laughin' now Big Paul? Who's laughin' now???


----Speeding ahead past ping pong/darts/pickup hoop games and other random athletic acts of cominance----

Let's end this by most recent season in my work basketball league where I have affectionately been nicknamed "The Judge" for my fair, but swift punishment I dish out on the court. I scored somewhere between 12 and 26 pts. during the season. We play to 30 (cough, cough). Made it to the semi's where I followed up my 18pt. 10 rebound game in the first round of the playoffs with a 14 pt. 9 rebound game in the semi's..but it wasn't enuff...The zukey lake playground legends (named affectionately after a random t-shirt i wore one day) season came to an end.

I hope you enjoyed my self-tribute to my athletic accomplishments...Nobody else would have EVER written this.

Great flicks

I really like movies. I was thinking of putting together a top 10 list, but that's cheesy, so instead, i'm rattlin' off some of my favorite flicks:

Legends of the Fall: I can always watch this movie...I own it on DVD and whenever it comes on, I have to watch it thru. The scenery is awesome and i've always liked the story although the julia ormond ( i think that's her name) is a tramp. Besides..what else has henry thomas been in that's worthwhile besdies ET?

The Untouchables: Kevin Costner's best pick if you ask me. Andy Garcia's breakout performance and it caught Sean Connery on the comeback..good timing. Of course DeNiro is Capone...but the real reason i like this movie so much is how it captured early 20th century chicago during prohibition.

Army of Darkness: I'm a big Bruce Campbell fan since the Evil Dead movies and this is the best horror/comedy i've ever seen (Evil Dead 2 is right there tho). One of my top 3 favorite flicks of all time.

Starship Troopers: Without a doubt, my favorite movie ever. Great action, great sci-fi stuff, alien bugs, laser fights, different planets, spaceships, gratuitous nudity and sex scenes, denise richards boobs breakin' out onto the scene, you'd never know who will die when..just great. I can't believe Casper Van Diem never got a better role after this..and even more unreal is the fact they never made a REAL sequel to this movie..the straight to dvd thing i refuse to watch. It never happened.

Others worth noting: The Lord of the Rings, Matrix, Memento, LA Confidential, Deep Blue Sea & Snatch..I'll talk about movies again tho...for sure.

Good link today..short..sweet..and something I can totally see in Iowa...
http://www.kcci.com/news/5116630/detail.html

I don't like my eggs runny

Weekend was great. Todd and I went to the UM/Penn St game which ended in a um victory with a last second TD pass. Can't beat that for an ending! We tailgated all morning with friends of ours on the golf course and had a blast. Once again, The gods of pee were on my side as for the second consecutive tailgate..the moment I stepped into the stadium, my bladder dried up. Didn't have to pee once. I swear I have a guardian angel for that kinda stuff.

Todd and his girls came back and stayed the night..we all were pretty whipped tho..just got some pizza and crashed out. Amanda was a HUGE help in offering to watch the girls again. I really owe her.

Sunday, just watched football..lions lost, i lost both my fantasy leagues..my square pool and my pick em' picks blew. Oh well.

Today's topic has to do with my day today. Basically, I had the squirts ALL DAY. I left work around 2 cause it was like a pirate with a steering wheel attached to his groin (it was drivin' me nuts!). So, i'm still a bit gurgly..but am confident tomorrow will be a full recovery.

Today's link of the day was an easy one...I'll be there opening night.
http://www.comcast.net/news/entertainment/index.jsp?cat=ENTERTAINMENT&fn=/2005/10/17/243727.html

See ya on UPN..America's Next Top Model

Well..really, it will be on an HR website for Thomson corporation..I think. The whole thing of me workin' out in the weight room for photo's didn't happen..however, the photographers like my "look" and wanted to do some professional shots. Which meant puttin' me in the hallway and takin' 1000 pictures of me...the dialouge was great: "Josh, okay, Josh, now move 3 inches this way..shift your weight..slightly..slightly..THERE! okay, don't move..now..serious look..serious..okay, a little teeth..a little teeth..chin up..okay..smile..smile..SMILE!! That's it!! I could do that smile all day! That's it. Hey, how long have you had that beard? That beard makes you the perfect canidate for this shot. Seriously. The use of light and shadow and how it refracts of the beard..you wear it so well!!" Hilarious.

The joke will be on me i'm sure when i realize the whole thing is a sham and I end up on the cover of Chin Dong weekly.

Tomorrow, Todd and I are goin' to the UM/Penn St. game...tailgating a few hours before hand too. Big day! Todd and I always have fun at these things and nobody can make the other one laugh quite as well as...the other one...that didn't sound right. But you get the drift.

Also, props to Scootie today..he called and gave me a really thoughtful message. He's always lookin' out for me.

Here's my link of the day...http://www.drunkreport.com/reports/steveo.htm

One more..couldn't pass on this

Whenever I see Smurf carnage I think of my brother Jeff. Mainly due to the fact he had a MASSIVE collection of smurfs as a boy. Vanity Smurf was his favorite, but that's a different blog.

Anywho...Unicef does what Gargamel and Israel never could...
(registration required)

http://www.comcast.net/providers/fan/popup.html?v=42535604&pl=42596995.xml&config=%2Fconfig%2Fcommon%2Ffan%2Fhome%2Exml

Question: What is a fitness model?

Answer: Me

I was asked to be a "model" for our parent company. Since I work out in the facillities there... they wanted someone who works out there to represent them. So, i'll be posted on some website or magazine i think....this is my first modeling gig since i was a penis model. So, as you can imagine, the memories are flowing back!

Really, I think I was asked to do this cause my workout buddies are afrcian american and mexican (well, i tell him he's mexican, he's not, he just is tan all year round). They are big on diversity and three of us look like neopolitan ice cream, so it's a good fit.

The shoot is tomorrow. I'll ham it up. No doubts. I already have some really cheesy ideas to embarress myself with, so hopefully, I can figure out how to upload pics on this by the time they get published.

Here's my link of the day..seriously..you can go to school for this? huh.
http://wireservice.wired.com/wired/story.asp?section=Breaking&storyId=1101754&tw=wn_wire_story

Who am I?

I'm 32 years old...have two awesome little girls...6' 3" tall..about 210 pounds of twisted steel and sex appeal..well, that last part may be a little exaggerated. I work for a large software company that provides "shalushionsh" for accountants and tax preparers.



I wanted to start this as a release for my daily frustrations in life, plus, i'm not the best on the phone lately with people. I have a lot of stuff going on in my life and puttin' it on paper so to speak helps. Plus, i have a friend that does it at work and it seems to work wonders.

I'm goin' thru a divorce right now and worry about my little girls to no end. Shelly is 4 and the nicest, sweetest little thing you could ever hope to see. Carly is 2 and is VERY independent. They are already becoming best buddies and I am very proud of them. They each have incredible hearts which I draw energy from every day.

My divorce is going very well, as far as a divorce can go i suppose. Things are very amicable and I feel My future ex-wife will be a good friend of mine in the present and future for which i'm thankful for.

That's all i'm gonna spill tonight out of the schwantz..but I'll try to update this regularly..i have TONS of things I believe I can get into that will be worth a read for my soon to be faithful schwantz fanatics...in the meantime...here's a link to one of my new favorite sites on the net...
http://www.anomalist.com/