How I was Alpha-Maled

I think i left this out of my last few posts...but someting kind of embarressing happened to me last Friday night. I was driving around in my new sub and got a nail stuck in my tire. The hissing sound was very recognizable and as i raced to Mark's Auto and called Belle Tire too late as they were already closed, I realized i was going to have to change the tire myself. And by changing the tire myself, I mean, have someone else do it for me..aka a tow truck driver. I use a tow truck driver for 2 reasons. 1) i suck at things like changing tires and 2) i pay for AAA every year and want to get my money's worth.

I had actually tried doing this myself on my explorer earlier this summer when i had a flat in AA..to no avail...so , i called the tow truckout and he couldn't do it either without numerous f-bombs and actually hoisting my explorer up with the tow. He said these new f'n explorers are impossible to change without doing this, which of course, made me feel way better.

So, I was able to get back to my apt parking lot no prob and called out the tow. Came right up in like 20 minutes. The guy got out...and no sooner had he laid one foot on the ground when i told him my story how dificult it was to change tires on these new explorers. 10 minutes later, he had the ride jacked up, spare off..flat tire off..new tire on..a smirk on his face and me with my head down and tail between my legs. He never used the tow truck. Sigh...

How I want to die

This is how I always have pictured my remains to be found like too....

http://dsc.discovery.com/news/briefs/20060123/warrior_arc.html

Whoa...Buzz Kill

Matt Houston's assistant (CJ Parsons) and Princess ardala was played by Pamela hensley..turns out she's like 56....and with a career that ended in 1984.... and yes..i'm finally done posting pics of her...and yes..i loved her.

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0002135/

GREAT TV!!!!

I can't take full credit for this idea, but i saw on another blog a topic about tv shows that no longer are around but were great when they were. So, it got me thinking what I really miss on TV that used to be on there. Here's some of my favorite shows that I used to have, that now are available thru re-runs or in some cases...not at all.

1) Dukes of Hazzard: What young boy didn't like this show? It had everything..Bo and Luke, Uncle Jessie, Roscoe, Boss Hog, Cooter, Enos...and of course Daisy. Perhaps the best pair of legs to ever...EVER be on tv. The show had great car chases....cheesy criminals...fist fights, and Bo and Luke would occasionally call upon their bow and arrow with flaming dynamite to take out a bridge or chasing car..just good stuff. One night a girl called and asked me out on a date during the dukes of hazzard ( i was like 9). I wouldn't come to the phone...not during that show. Bad timing girl. It's on CMT now i think..and when i watch it, it's a little depressing. The show is incredibly cheesy..i mean over the top cheesy with bad acting, bad stories, no sex...but, it will always have a place in my heart as it was the first half of my friday night double header with the second half being...

2) Matt Houston: I am a Lee Horsley fan. i like all his stuff. He was a private eye/millionaire living in a penthouse in texas..(season 2 they moved to LA..for some reason). The stories were always great...spine tingling if you would for the time, i liked his quirky accountant..his stereotypical italian cop best friend and of course his smokin' hot assistant who's name alludes me...the episode where they had a dinner party and each guest was killed one by one was my all time favorite...speaking of the smoking hot assisant...she was simultaneously moonlighting on my next favorite show i miss...

3) Buck Rogers: The fact this show was set in the future...had colonel wilma deering (erin gray) in neon spandex every episode...twiggy...dr. theoppolous which was just a computer hung around twiggy's neck..and the aforementioned matt houston assistant who played a reoccuring character named Princess Ardala from an attacking race of people who loved Buck, made this show what it was. The show changed gears a bit in season 2 and brought in Hawk...who I never particularly cared for, but some of the shows he was involoved in with Buck were my favorites. My all time favorite episode..and one that scared the crap out of me when i was a little kid was the episode with the space vampire...The space vampire would spot his victim, at which time, the screen would go blood red..and this eery bubbling sound would take over the tv as the character would feel hot, uncomfortable and eventually become space vampire food. I remember the family watching this episode live back in prime time and me hiding behind the counter in the kitchen because i was too scared..

I have more..but i'm at work....

Chuck E. Cheese

I was thinking of taking the girls to Chuck E. Cheese this weekend. I haven't taken them there in awhile and they love place. The one we go to now is alright, kinda "trashy". By that i mean, even tho they have a security stamping issue in there to make sure nobody else leaves with your kids, you still make sure to keep an eye on them. There's some serious deadbeat parents in that place....

It got me thinking about the OLD Chuck E. Cheese on Stadium Blvd they had when i was little. There's a Murray's Auto Zone there now. Once upon a time tho, there was a huge pink castle that when it opened, was one of my favorite places to go to as a child..which i think was like 3-or 4 times. The pizza was better then it is now..it's still good now..but back then it was magical. The video games they had...like the old starwars game you sat in, and popeye, and mappy...the cheese tunnels...My brother Jeff loved him some cheese tunnels i remember. The mechanical characters in the band that played their concerts. Now, chuck E. is still there, but he does a hip hop thing and it makes me cringe...like watching a bad episode of leave it to beaver kind of cringe.

Two memories i wanted to share in relation to this tho. One: Right before the grand opening there, they had a special night for certain people in the community to come and bring their families. My dad got invited i think due to him being a principal..not sure. But anways, that night was one of my fondest as a kid. Unlimited pizza, unlimited tokens...video games, ski ball, no lines, ball pits, you name it..it was open bar for little kids. I'll never forget running up and taking pile of tokens after pile of tokens from the counter.

and Two: This one sticks out for different reasons...probably a year or two later..i must have been 2nd gradeish or so...and we were there for my brother's or mine birthday...don't remember which. Well, i see another girl i know from school across the way..and at that age girls of course were icky. So, my mom i think recognized her and said "hey, isn't that kristin from your class Josh?" I looked over, saw her and said "yeah, she's a real blow job." Well, next thing i knew, i was lifted up by the arm and yanked into a corner for a good spanking from my dad. He asked me "Why did you say that??!!" and i said.." i don't know, i heard someone else say it before.." and he said "Never say that again! Do you know what that means?" and of course i had no clue..."No, what does it mean?" and i remember him pausing, leaning down to me and whispering in my ear "a blowjob is when a man puts his penis in a woman's mouth." I of course said "Why would you want to do that???" and he just said "don't worry about it..let's go back." So thanks to Chuck E. Cheese I learned about blowjobs. And of course, as soon as i hit school the next day I was filling in EVERYONE what a Blowjob was...

Oregon!!!

This is really a shout out to my friend Christy in the great beaver state. Now it's no secret Oregon is known for it's outstanding beaver..at least since Christy moved there...HEY-OOOOOO!!!

Anywho, she's been great to talk with for a long time and especially over the last year or so. She's shared some good perspective of things with me on life in general and really can help put things in perspective for me in her own unique way. All the while going thru the many challenges she's had in her life of late.

She said once "where's the Oregon talk on the blog"..so here ya go girl! But seriously, she's been a great friend for a long time and I wanted to make sure she knew it!

And yes, for those of you that don't know her, she's hot and likes 80's music.

The Pad

Well, i've been in my new apartment for a little over a week so far. And honestly, it's not bad. There is more room then i thought and the shower actually rocks...great water pressure and it gets scalding hot which i like. The downside is I can't get this bleach smell out of the fridge and freezer and some of the inside of the drawers have a mysterious amber goo inside....I call these drawers the "do not open drawers."

The big thing tho is the girls seem to be adjusting well. They hav their own play room set up for em' and seem to be getting comfortable in the new place. They love the bean bags......and love taking baths in there for some reason..probably cause of the strawberry shortcake bubble bath.

I'll do another post a bit later today...but the apartment, if it were to get a grade, would get a B...above average, but not great.

I hate Bean Bags

So...i moved into the apartment..i'll have an entry on that a bit later...cause right now I need to discuss my bean bag incident from yesterday.

So, I had a brainchild that made me decide to get beanbags for the girls in the apartment. There is plenty of space in there an i'm not bringin' a whole lot of my stuff, so i thought it would add to the place and give them something special to have to help with the new adjustment. Well, first of all, nobody has beanbags anymore. I went to target, linen's and things and kohls...none of em' carry em', but all say "you know, we get asked that question all the time, i don't know why we don't"..but that's another posting as well....

SO....I go to meijer and i find some "do it yourself" bean bag kits. They looked fairly harmless. The woman on the packaging really looked like she was enjoying herself while she was making her bean bag, so I figured, "eh, may as well..how difficult could it be". I mean the instructions consisted of only 3 steps. 1) unzip bean bag 2) pour contents of bean bag bag into bean bag and 3) re-zip. So, i got 2...tie dyed color the same ones..so shelly and carly couldn't fight over one or the other..(altho they do anyways with them being the same i discovered).

So, i get home, and go to unzip the first cover of the beanbag to fill it. Well, the zipper is there, but there's no tab to pull. Well...i figure out it's childproofed. Which means you need a paperclip to slide in this little hole of the zipper in order to unzip it..and trust me...it WON'T work doing it without that paperclip. God knows i tried. So, of course, i don't have a paperclip cause it wasn't on any of the 3 steps mentioned earlier on the instructions! So, i rummage thru some drawers in the kitchen and find an old sewing pin. After 5 minutes of pulling, tugging and re-shaping the pin that was too flimsy for the job in reality, i got it the freakin' zipper down...and guess what i saw? That's right..ANOTHER ZIPPER!!! This one went the other way....unreal. 10 minutes..same story, I finally got both zippers open.

I then move along to the contents bag..which is 3 ft high, full of little foam beans. About the size of a dime each. Well, on the bag it says to slice along the dotted line of the bag and gently pour contents into the fabric material with the satanic zippers on it. Well, i did that.....what the bag doesn't tell you is each one of those little beanie styrofoam things puts off about 5000 BTU's of static electricty. So, the instance the slightest incision was made in the bag...they come flyin' out stickin' to anything and everything they can. I patiently tried to postion it over the whole in the bean bag itself..some got in alright..but THOUSANDS poured all over the floor and stuck to my pants, my shirt, my hands..you name it. I mean, i can't put enough emphasis on the static electricity these things generate. I would shake my hand violoently to get them off and i would see them fall down a good 6-7 inches in the air..only to pull themselves right back to my hand. They basically create a self propelled ORBIT around anything they come in contact with...they just over and float and circle around until they are batted off with extreme force. I swear one of the larger ones had gravity established. UNREAL. So, there's the picture. me standing there trying to get this enormous bag filled of sticky foam into a really small opening of a cloth beanbag. My floor was covered..my bed was covered....getting back to the static electricty of these little sob's...think about what it was like to clean that mess up? It was literally pick up one or two...which meant 8 or 9 would stick to your hand on accident..carry it to the whole in the cloth bean bag and shake your hand with extreme force until they all fell into the bag at which point 7 or 8 more from within the bag already would stick to your hands upon removal from the bag. Repeat this process about 500 times with some well timed F-Bombs and then repeat the whole process for Beanbag #2...and you get the idea of what my afternoon was like yesterday. I still marvel at these styrofoam beans however, i've been thinking up analogies ever since that would fit the sheer magnitude of the static electrity these little f'ers generate and could only come up with one that if they were an animal in the jungle they'd be a rhino..or these styrofoam beans could form their own anti-terrorist unit...i mean, i'm still upset by this. Obviously.

Of course, the good thing is the girls loved em'...even if they gave me a constant twitch of my left eye.
However, in all seriousness...if you see one of these do-it-yourself beanbag kits in a store, don't buy it, don't even look at it...just kill it. And make sure it's dead before you walk away.

Freakin' figures

So, i'm movin everything tonight and what's goin' on outside? Yep..rain. i don't have that much stuff i'm bringin, but will have my bed, a sofa..a couple tables...ugh. Seriously...i'm really do for some good fortune i think..my cosmic energy is unbalanced in the wrong way with this crap. It's made me decide my first purchase for the new apt will be a bottle of jack.

The day i've been dreading

Well..as a follow up for my earlier blog posting today..yes i'm still at work..and yes, i'm still board. However, I've brought in over 18k in sales today..which is a great day...so I guess i should suck this last hour or so up and stop chirpping about it....

Anywho, tomorrow i'm moving into my apartment. Which, I NEED to do. Things with Shan, while they are still very amicable are just at a point where we need to be doing things away from each other, and the whole sharing a home, even tho at this point we are basically just passing by each other a couple times a week, still needs to be lessened. It's just the point of the divorce where things start getting a bit fiestier by nature i think, with some of the bigger items coming up that need to be settled before it's final in less then 2 months.

However, the part about it that I am dreading and have been for some time is the fact that i have to realize and learn to deal and accept with the fact that i won't be able to be with Shelly and Carly every day. It's hard to even write about it, but I needed to get it off my chest a bit. Even now, when that same schedule already is pretty much there with me not seeing them every day..i still find ways to sneak over, or bump into them most days. Now, I can't. Part of me feels like i have taken for granted the time i have had with them up to this point, as the ages they are, while they are fun, they are a lot of work. With Carly, i've talked about it before, words can't describe the challenge she was from 0-1 year. So, in relation, I couldn't wait to get out of the house and away from them at times so I could re-energize. Now, I wish i hadn't and had seen them and done more with them at the times when I could have.

However, i think this process will make me more aware of that, as my time with them now is much more precious and valuable to me. I want them to know how important they are too me as they grow older and i think going thru this separation from them will make sure I maximize all of our enjoyment we can have together. So, I think that is definitely the good coming from my being apart from them. I am confident our relationships with each other will only get stronger.

I also have decided i MUST start doing more things for myself. Including calling back my friends who i've basically blown off the past year and going out more, and hanging out with people that i think are fun and great to be with while not worrying about wether or not I need to be doing something for someone else at the same time. That probably sounds weird, but i've become pretty dependent on having others be dependent on me...if that makes sense. So, I'm looking forward to growing and learning more about myself and others while re-discovering some of the things in the past that I enjoyed but wasn't/or haven't been able to do for some time.

I feel better now for writing that.

Why am I at work right now?

Seriously, i have no clue why i'm here. I'm having a good day producitivity wise i guess, but really have no desire to be here. I mean, 80% of the company isn't here and half the sales department isn't. In sales we got the traditional "Well, it's technically a company holiday, however, if you aren't going to be here tell us, and if you don't take the day off then you can get another day of vacation some other time"...i hate that line. So, i really can't decide WHY I am here...i've developed some guesses....

1) I'm a dedicated worker who needs and wants to earn a lot of money
2) I really didn't think about this holiday being a big deal until I walked into the building this morning and realized the parking lot was empty.
3) My conscious is strong enough that when I take a day off work I feel guilty about it
4) I don't really have much else to do

Well, I'm eliminating 4..as i'm moving into my apt tomorrow night and could be getting more stuff ready to go for that move...however, i don't think that would take much time and i just didn't feel like putzing around town or sitting on the couch right now...HOWEVER, i JUST realized another thing....the Pistons are playing this afternoon. Dang it! I could have watched them....


5) I'm just a dumb ass

Car promos

I HATE these. My current lease runs out in April, so i'm looking thru ads and watching tv commercials all the time seeing what's out there. A lot of the deals I see look fantastic..until the end of the commercial or down in the fine print of the ad when i see "FOR (INSERT AUTO MAKER HERE) qualified employees or family members only!" Aren't there more people than not that DO NOT work or have family members that do work for an auto maker? I DETEST this. Why advertise to the minority? Well, the answer is to hoodwink the average joe like myself into coming in and seeing their cars with promo's i can never have. I can get the x plan thru ford from my buddy wanty...and that's it. REally pisses me off. I hate car guys and the companies...anyone else with me??

Chuck Norris

This is a quick note...but it's well worth it to check out this link...I've been reading it off and on all day. One of the funniest things I've ever read....

http://dailyfunnies.org/p/30_facts_about_chuck_norris

Pure taste goodness thy name is....

I'm weaker then i thought. I've been talking a big game as to how starting this past monday (yesterday) I was going to eliminate sugars and caffeine..and generally eat completely healthy all the time for 3 months. Well, i didn't make it till dinner.

I did eliminate caffeiene..i had a dull headache all day, but other then that, wasn't too bad. However, I found evil in it's truest form. A Frozen California Pizza...the thin crust kind. I love the rustic tomato, the siciliian, the monterrey cheese with spinach..you name it. But you slap the words "california" and "pizza" and put it on a nice shiny box in the frozen food section..and well, i'm buyin' it. The box says serves 3..but that's bs..i put down a full one and was still hungry.

However, i noticed i was down about 6 lbs this morning from where i normally in. So, i think a combination of no caffeiene or sugar (well, i did have a 7up to wash down that california pizza) worked well..AND i ate differently. Instead of eating a big healthy lunch and a real crappy big dinner, i ate small healthy portions of a variety of foods, even vegetables and fruits about every 2 hours then had only a semi-crappy dinner..the CA pizza.

i've been awol

Been busy...haven't wanted to take the time to do much lately with the blog...so just to give a little preamble...my basement is poured!! which is great..after meeting with my builder for 3 hours...they want it done by end of march. Sooooo, i only have to find an apt for 2-3 months...there' one right by my house i'mlookin' at and another here on baker next dooor to elaine's house....which convenience wise would be tuff to beat..by convenience wise i mean, drive to work and walking home from the bowling alley of course.

WE had our work party. That was a good time too...at webers. Drank too much..i really shoulda just got a room...but i thought otherwise. today is my first day where i'm trying to ditch caffeiene and eating healthy thruout the day..it's gonna be hard..it's 5pm now and i feel like i just woke up, even tho i've been workin' all day. i'll have a good topic next time i write....

The New year

I for one couldn't wait for the new year to get here. This year was long and frankly, i'm glad it's over. I was looking back a little bit on how things change or can change during a year. At the beginning of this year for instance, i was married and planning a trip with my wife to the bahamas. Today, one year later, I will be divorced in 2 months officially, have a new house in 2-3 months completely built and be on my own a single father. Wild.

The good thing tho is i'm really looking forward to this year. I am very optimistic it's gonna be a great year and am exctied to be and have the aforementioned lifestyle. I think it will be a lot of fun.

I don't really do resolutions..in most cases..but I am going to try and dress better at work. I'm a slob there...always have been. So, i'm making a conscientious decision to dress nicer. Also, I am going to continue to try and eat better. My diet is WAY better then it was two years ago, I still don't eat fast food or sugar pop, but it can be better.

Update on my house: They are digging for the sewer and water lines right now, which means the basement is shortly to follow. i'll be in there march/april they tell me which is great.

I need to get an apt. I am completely financially separate now, and Shan didn't feel comfortable with me at Al's house, soooo..i'll stay at scot's for probably another week or two and try to find an apt for a month or two after that till my house is complete.